Tuesday, 14 May 2019

LOVE YOURSELF before you let others judge you

I was a fortune child, fortunate to be the youngest of three siblings and therefore pampered. My parents adored me, my sisters dotted on me, I was good in studies and hence the favorite of my teachers as well. I had delicate features and was petite, dainty and thin. I loved my life. But every story has a twist and so did mine. As I entered my teens, the very same petite frame suddenly became a bone of contention for me, especially when I compared myself to my more endowed friends who had well defined bosoms, a swing in their hips and a feminine structure. I remained dainty and petite, so much so that my friends (so called) made fun of me. 

It started with an occasional snicker, then a giggle every time I passed by to a full-blown laugh riot with finger pointing and more.
I started feeling insecure, increasingly aware of my body or the lack of it, my grades started dropping and I started feeling low . My sisters were away pursuing their education and I was alone at home with my parents and so I guess I was unable to speak about it to anyone. My teachers started worrying about my falling grades and my mother sensed something amiss in my behavior. My insecurity had grown so much that one fine day I refused to get out of bed and got to school. My mother thankfully didn’t pressurize me and instead agreed that it was a good idea to stay at home and spend quality time together. We spent a fabulous day talking, laughing, playing indoor games and just chilling. During the course of our conversations my mom slowly got me to talk about what was bothering me. My lovely understanding mother didn’t shout or judge or chide me for my behavior.
She calmly prescribed a couple of tablets and a powder with instructions on how to have them for a month. Since she was an Ayurvedic Doctor and also my mother I trusted her and followed her instructions. In the month that followed I would check myself in the mirror everyday to see any changes and surprisingly I saw myself evolving and blossoming.
A month later I hugged my mom with joy and told her that her medicines worked. She calmly smiled and explained that all she had given me was a combination of calcium, vitamin and tons of self-belief. What had changed over the month was my opinion of myself. I had changed in my own eyes. I had started to look at myself differently and that had made a massive difference to my confidence.
My body had not changed, but the body image in my mind had changed and that was what was important.
Now years later, as a Child Psychologist and a Behavioral Coach I understand what my mother did. She built up my confidence by getting me to look at myself through my eyes and not of those judging me. I was able to see the good in me, work on what I lacked and build on what I had.
Now when I consult teenagers (especially girls) I give them the same advice. Look within, LOVE yourself and then look outside for affirmations. You are your best adviser, critique and fan, all rolled into one.
LOVE YOURSELF and Let others be.  

Thursday, 24 January 2019

We Are Already Empowered

Wah Wah Wah💝💝

So my morning starts with a beautiful video from Ms Malini.
It's an interview with Kangana Ranaut. 

I so agree with what Kangana said- We women are already empowered. 
Why do we even use the term Empowerment for Women?

Arey bhai,  empowered Nahi hote tou how would we spread our wings so much?

We just need to work on our development and that's all,  we are sorted for life. 

We just need to work on our emotions,  and that's all, we are sorted for life. 
And last,  but not the least,  we need to work on our communication,  we don't voice out.
Bus,  if we do that,  we are sorted for life.

When I started LAJA,  the sole purpose was to develop women,  make them aware of their strengths,
help them let go of their inhibitions,  help them to voice out their feelings and wants. 
And that's exactly what is needed for today's women. 
Multi tasking is in the genes of every woman. 

Tou kya hume empowerment chaahiye? 

We are good to go , ladies..  
Chak de Phatte !

Credits for the video  : MsMalini.com
Attachments area

Thursday, 10 January 2019

Let go...and Move on

#Relationships #lettingGo #FoodForThought #ICan #IWill

Sometimes it’s better to just let things be, let people go, 'don’t' fight for closure, 'don’t' ask for explanations, 'don’t' chase answers and 'don’t' expect people to understand where you’re coming from.

I happened to receive this message today morning and it gave me chills!!

Arey...this was exactly the thought process when the year begun.

2018 showed lot of ups and downs in relations.... Made some beautiful close relations and some really close ones choose to part; with no rhyme or reason.

December went in figuring out what, why and how that happened.

And then, something came to my mind and I realized that it's no worth spending time, thinking on why's, what's and how's.

It's time to think whether you gave your hundred percent to that relationship of yours, did you try to maintain it, did you try working on it, were you there when that relation needed your time? 

If your answers are yes to a majority of the above questions, then its better to park the thoughts at a side or just let it go off you.

It did not work because it was not destined to work!!!

Theory of Karma says every person comes in your life with a reason.

Probably that reason was solved, and hence the relation sank, he/she choose to walk out. 
We, always think that closure is needed, but have you ever thought that the closure would have already happened; probably you never realized! 

Rethinking or asking for explanation just makes you dig the grave deeper.

2019 has started for me with a very intense thought process.

Trying to figure out what gives you inner peace, work on that and work on yourself.  That might help you realize that it's OK not to react to all things that happen with you or around you; probably that's the first step to Healthy Living.

For me, 2019 started with some intense food for thought; how has it started for you?
Let's talk.

Thursday, 20 December 2018

Love Thyself FIRST

Time and again, I have got the feeling that no matter how or where or whichever way the world will grow, we women still wait for validation.

So, we had a team meet recently and when we all meet, we work on and we talk about everything under the sun.

As always, we were discussing and amidst the discussion, I happened to discuss the strengths of one of my team members as she was planning to start some new venture of hers. 

Almost immediately, my other team member said, “Riddhi, let me know my strengths too. "

And I totally went blank....

The lady who asked me this has a successful career and, in all probability, she is not seeking validation; but who knows, perhaps she is!

So, what comes to my mind is this, we women still wait for validation!!!

We still need somebody else to tell us that we look beautiful,  that we have good curves,  that we look sexy,  that our smile is good,  that we cook well,  that we are a good mother ( good🤔huh,  mother is mother,  what is good and bad in that) that we are smart while talking to other gender,  that we multitask good,  that we are confident and lot many more things.

So, my question is don't we realize on our own that what are our strengths and where and how do we need to work on our weakness.

Don't we realize how sexy we look; feeling sexy and feeling good about your body is our right. Whatever shapes and sizes we have, it’s ours!! Let's flaunt over our strengths.

And it's high time that we stop seeking external validation and we once and for all say - Haata savan Ki ghaata,  I am my own favorite.

I love myself 🤗🤗

Thursday, 9 August 2018

Three As of Parenting

It is very important for a parent to listen to the child. The child's life evolves with three important aspects around him:

This has been a daily ritual since last 4 years. Eventually, both of us have grown in our relationship and the bonding has increased twofold.

It was normal morning today and as always, I happened to be driving down my little one to school. In those 30 minutes all that’s True and Real are me and my little. That is the time we TALK and talk about everything. Everything including him being hurt by me or my better-half, or him having some complaints against his friends, or my in-laws or our cook …..

I am aware that those complaints are most baseless and surely innocent, but I ensure that I hear him out....I then try to breakdown the situation, explain the circumstance, conditions etc. and the allow him to decide what happened was right or wrong.

Much to my pride and sometimes amusement, I have noticed, that whenever I allow him to decide what is right or wrong, a majority of the times he concludes that what happened was ok ...

So, this is where the three A’s come into play:
Acknowledgement: He being able to Acknowledge his work, his behavior, his thought process, his concerns, his understanding, his maturity, him being hurt and lot more. Acknowledgement is about reassuring him that you have understood him. Acknowledgment gives the child confidence and makes him resilient.

Acceptance:  A child seeks acceptance from his parents, acceptance of what he is and of what he aspires to become. Acceptance of him as a person works tremendously on the esteem of the child. Acceptance by the parents assures his being and promises him of a better future.

Appreciation: The most important and the last in the "A" pyramid. When a parent appreciates his/ her child, the child feels confident and THAT helps him to face the world. A single word of appreciation makes him feel encouraged and special. And this feeling of being special makes his world, the most secured place to live in.

Let us, as parents inculcate the habit of 3 A's in our daily life.

For me, these 3A's are an integral part of my life, the credit goes to my parents and I am now taking this legacy ahead by implementing the same for my child.

Thursday, 2 August 2018

Relationships - Nurture them

Recently, I had been chatting with my bestie...

And he casually said : loved your smile
Me : Where did you see that?
He : In the DP

And since I was joking around, I abruptly wrote a shayari which kind of represented with the situation.

"Ek zamana tha
Ek zamana tha
jab dosto ek dusre Ko milke  smile dete the
Aab ye zamana hai
Aab ye zamana hai
Ki DP dekh ke hi smile Kar lete hai".

This holds so true these days....

How often do we meet people or our friends?

We say, we are connected but have you ever thought, how?

We do stay connected but majority of the times we remember, when we need.

The need can be emotional, physical, materialistic or seeking a connect!

So, what comes to my mind is this; is this friendship? Is this a relation or just a connect?

A relation is just like a plant, you need to nurture it with love, patience, understanding and empathy. If it's not nurtured, it stays as mere connect...

And connect is always there as a means of barter, services or self benefit.

Some quick tips to nurture relations, they can be your friend, parents, spouse, child, in-laws, sisters and sister in law's ....
1..Call them instead of dropping a message.
2..Wear a smile while you talk.
3..Talk DilSe and not just for the hack of talking.
4..Plan a surprise visit to them.
5..Take care of their special occasions and moments such as birthdays, health , their personal achievements, marriage  anniversary  and sometimes cater to their  moods too, as you are a friend and remember- a friend is never judgemental.

If you find that you are not able to cope up with that, take your time , the other person understands too and remember, it's a two way traffic ....so the other person is trying too.

So let's give a hi-fi and start it anew...

Every relationship has a strong emotional bond, nurture it ...you will love to see it blossom and so will be the other person.

Thursday, 14 June 2018

My Father My Hero

Me and My SuperHero

Me and Pappaji

I have been the youngest spoiled brat of the Doshi family. Head strong, confident, multi-tasker, leader, and empathetic are all the qualities I have imbibed from my father.

He is the man of my life. I have grown up listening to his stories about his childhood and how he used to manage in his school days, to his college days in London, to his experience of getting his first job as he was a qualified Engineer from Battersea, to how he started his business at 50 and his dealings with Tatas. He has always given me and my three sisters a sense of security and assurance. However he always emphasized on being on the same page with my mother.

The tuning they both have has given exemplary memories to the best Parenting style.

And that has even helped me evolve as a Parenting Coach and Psychologist.

He has always dreamt his life and has put into reality, his dreams.

I still remember the lesson on time management he always used to cite for us.

He was working in London with a British firm and on the second day of his job, there was a heavy snowfall and he got late to office. The office timings were 8.00 am to 5.00 pm and he reached at 8.01. His manager was there at the door and he said, "Mr Doshi, you are late by a minute!"

I have grown up listening to his stories and experiences and this has made me aware that time and tide wait for none, make the maximum of the time given.

He has made us four sisters capable of managing anything in life, made us leaders and not followers.

And I proudly say - I will take his legacy ahead. Proud to be Ajay Doshi's daughter. 

That's how I write - Riddhi Doshi Patel.

Thursday, 24 May 2018

Expect the unexpected and give more than you expected

Oh ho.....

What a day! It started with a discussion on Relationships with a close friend.

Me : What's happening to you? I fail to understand sometimes

He : Aah, in an awful mood; you know how it is .....but will bounce back soon.

Me : Ha, I understand , but bathake jaao na apni quite space mei, so that nobody disturbs,

He : Huh, bataya toh tha

Me : Ha, jab, I asked ....

And this endless talks..

And the conclusion rests on the expectations we have from the relationships we are into.
Siblings, friends, in-laws, husband - wife, neighbours, child - parent, employer-employee, teacher - student and many such!

Why do we expect? Is it because we love the other person, is it because it's natural since we are connected , is it because it's their duty to do react and respond, is it that it's your right to know things about the person whom you are connected or you love.

But what if the same thought process is running through the other persons mind too! What if they feel you have fallen short in responding!

So expect; but give more than you expect. You might sometimes feel that it's totally a one man job of maintaining a relation, but no it isn't. It's always a two way street. Aaj nahi toh kaal, the other person will reciprocate definitely. That too with double the intensity!

Try it out.

After all everything in life is give and take.

The more you give, the more you get, aaj nahi toh kaal , for sure.

But never ever hide in your relationship neither give a silent treatment.

Quoting what I read yesterday on a WhatsApp group...

Giving someone the silent treatment could possibly be a way for you to avoid confrontation but the message it gives out is psychologically damaging to the other person. It is saying that your feelings don’t matter. Only I matter to myself. Your intentions may be good but what matters is the outcome of your intentions.

Afterall having a relation in your life, is a blessing indeed.

Stay Blessed.

Thursday, 17 May 2018

Nurture Contacts .. Build Relationships

#contacts #business #relationships #connections #courtesy #maintain #maintaining

Received a message from Mr CEO of a MNC where I had conducted a session four years back, “Dear Riddhi, hope you are good with your health, got to know from a friend that you were not keeping well, just thought of saying a HI and please take care".

Aah....in the first instance, it might seem to be a common message, but if you read it carefully, you will realise, those are the relations earned over the years of my professional life.

Yes ...maintaining relations is very very important.  Maintaining relations doesn't mean that you take advantage and pitch in your work all the time.

It means to stay connected, not necessarily that you keep meeting, but yes connecting is a must. Avoid pitching in your work; that might take off the essence of a professional relationship.

A simple hi or hello or helping them to connect further with acquaintances they need at their end works well for a lady professional.

Some of the tips I have inculcated in my life to stay connected:

1..Exchange cards in the first meet and the same day, leave a personalized message , albeit remain in limits

2..Never talk about your achievements or your work unless asked

3..Once in a while, drop in  a message saying Hi

4..Connect over LinkedIn , if you are seeking professional association. Let the profile speak for you.

5..Once in 6 months, share a link of your work...

6..Be there, if the person needs any help in terms of connecting with somebody on the professional front

7.. Share your contacts, you'll achieve more

8..Never sell your work...

This is what I have done to stay connected on the professional front.

While on the personal front, I am always there for all my friends, come what may...I try to give my best in the relationship which I am blessed with.

And trust me, I get in return in abundance.

Thursday, 10 May 2018

Love your Body - You LIVE in it!!

#RiddhiRambles #body #appreciate #bodypart #loveyourself #loveyourbody

We believe we are ALWAYS thankful!

Are we REALLY?

So....let me share an incident here.

I recently happened to undergo a surgery and have been advised rest for a month.

I was really worried, as between multiple work commitments, leaving home, my little one and going for surgery was giving me jitters.

As expected I started getting really negative about the surgery, to the extent that I started feeling what if I die?

What will happen to my little one?

With all that thoughts in my mind, I walked towards the operation theatre. I refused to be taken in on wheelchair as I felt I had to be strong to face the situation.

Nonetheless....I saw the entire surgery and was continuously blabbering about my work with the doctors while they were operating on me. The surgeon who operated has been a family friend and since I cannot wear lens during surgery, I insisted on being allowed to wear my specs so that I could properly see what's happening and Doctor Uncle had a good laugh at my obsession.

As I watched the surgeon and his assistance prep me for my surgery, it suddenly struck me! I felt I HAD to thank the body part which the doctors had just removed for supporting me for these many years. (I underwent Hysterectomy - removal of Uteras). That now offending part of my very body helped me enjoy the pride of being a Mother.

I touched my uterus and said "Thank You!"

This incident helped me realise that we fail to be thankful to our body and our minutest body parts.

Let's do that today my Dearies. Let us take 5 minutes from our daily routine, touch each and every part of our body with our palms and say "Thank You".

Feel it, feel the experience of touching it, appreciate the shape and look of that body part, appreciate the way it helps us in our daily life.

Don't forget - Vo part nahi hota Tou kya hota?🤔

Be Thankful to your body first ...Vo hai tou aap ho meri Jaan!!!

Thursday, 26 April 2018

Smile is a beautiful accessory.

#RiddhiMusings #smile #smilingisbeautiful

I have a Facebook connect, who sends me a message every alternate day which says, “Riddhi mam, don't forget to Smile today."

How true is that!

We women usually start our day with thoughts of all our responsibilities and have a mental ‘to do’ list of the work to be completed throughout the day. Once we get off the bed, the daily routine automatically kick-starts; waking up the little one, making breakfast, fill up the tiffins, planning the day, laundry, cooking, social commitments and what not.

Where is the Smile?

Oh ho - no time to Smile.

Let us religiously start our day with a Smile. ☺☺☺☺

When you wake up in the morning, just look at yourself in the mirror, Smile and say – Good Morning Beautiful.

That will give an instant boost to your esteem and that's what we want right at the START of the day.

Smile Karenge? 

Esmile please!!! ☺☺ 

You look good when you smile, you are exercising your facial muscles, when you smile you don't frown, you don't think while you smile, who knows your smile might make somebody fall in love with you, your smile can make somebody's day....

There are so many advantages...

So lets Smile. ☺☺☺☺

LOVE YOURSELF before you let others judge you

I was a fortune child, fortunate to be the youngest of three siblings and therefore pampered. My parents adored me, my sisters dotted on m...