Father and Child - Relationship

 

Pappa ki Paari hu mei……

Pappa kehte hai bada naam karega

 You must be thinking what am I upto..Well yes, its all about pappa and a  child’s  relationship

 Research shows that love and care of fathers are equally important for the health - physical and mental health, and well-being for a child as much as a mother’s love is important.

 A father and daughter  or a father and son, the relationship is least discussed

This song is equally important as the daughter thinks that father is a superhero in the eyes of the daughter and for the son he always wants to match up to the father’s expectation, this relationship co-exist throughout the life but its least talked about.

 Father have emotions, father do care, fathers cry, father get hurt and father's love abundantly, father presence is secured and supportive as well. Anyone can parent a child but being a dad takes a lifetime, fatherly role plays a very very important role in every child’s life and that cannot be filled by anybody else.

 Pappa’s  just like mothers, are the pillar of emotional development of a  child’s well being (emotional well being) children look up to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce it on them, also look up to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, physical security, emotional security, also look up to their fathers as a role model so it’s very important that that cognitive and the social development  of a child is ensured well while a father is around .    

 When I was at a marriageable age and my parents made me sit one day with them and we were just talking and they asked me what sort of guy do you prefer, what sort of man do you prefer in your life, and immediately I said just like papa, why because all the emotional support as a daughter I wanted from my father I have got, all the encouragement, all the security, financial, physical security, always we have been told that whatever happens- come what may I am there and that matters a lot to a daughter, he has been a loving father, a gentle father, and that exactly what we seeking in the person I intend to marry,

 And  while I am talking from  the perspective of a daughter, the sons also look up to their father in a way. I have a 10-year-old son, and I see him comparing with my husband, trying to dress up like him, trying to talk like his father, trying to protect me - his mom, mirroring just like my  husband does. He tries to behave like an adult just like my husband is behaving with his sister.

This is something my 10-year-old is trying to imitate, copy and learn from his father, he expects that while he seeks all the emotional and love and hugs and touches from me, he ensures that he gets all the time, the boyish games, the boyish talks  from my husband and my husband is there to give him, so when I am talking from a daughters perspective or a sons perspective, a father is very important.

 Often I have seen my little one telling me I am here for you when his dad is travelling, that makes me smile as somewhere he is too young to understand that his mother is equally capable but for him, his father is strong, loving, empathetic, emotionally strong as he understands him

 To all the fathers, it is very important that even while your better half is pregnant, you are there with your better half, you ensure that you give that touch to the child while the child is in the womb, you give all the love and support to your better half because remember , the love and respect you seek from your child when the child is out in the world, it’s exactly what you need to give to your child in the womb

 That is the reason why we have stepped up, there is maternity leave and paternity leave because society now needs it. Father’s were less active if we look back in the history , in joint family system children were raised by women because there wasn't just mother but Nani , dadi , bua everybody so father didn't have to get involved. Today that is not the scenario. Today , there are more nuclear families, smaller families that is the reason employees are getting paternity leave. So that fathers get the opportunity to get involved in the process from the time, a child is born. Also, all the classes they take during pregnancy why is encouraged that couple participate together so that you are bonding and understanding the whole natural process together. Parenting responsibility is equally shared and participated and fathers nowadays  are present at the time of childbirth - it clearly shows that we are changing and evolving, parenting is constantly changing. Fathers  are e now more  curious and very involved as well,  from diaper changing to feeding to going to a ball game are all the roles fathers are also capable of doing and fathers are doing that as well.  I feel it is unfair to say that they are choosing not to do and I always say that to be fair to the fathers who don’t participate I think sometimes it' is  just  left to be assumed that we need help, especially mothers and not communicated . If communicated, things are surely better.

 Parenting is not a competition, mothers also  need to encourage more active participation and in a positive way  and she also  needs to sometimes step back and let children be with their father.  Have some spa time or shopping time with your friends and let the daddy dear be there with the kids and plan their own outing.

 I hope this article  will help you understand to respect a role of a father in a child’s life. A message to all the mothers - respect the presence of child's father in his or her life and in your life as well, if it’s not working out with you as a relation that doesn't matter, that’s your personal choice but ensure that respect it is taken care of in front of the child for the child's well being, mental and physical well being, because this is very important that is what you are teaching your child to manage when he or she grows up to get married and plan to become a parent.

 

 

Your genuine Physical Intimacy might affect your Child's mind

Yesterday, as I stood in the balcony putting clothes out to dry, I saw a scene that got me worried and thinking. A boy not more than 7 years old was playing hide and seek with his 2-year-old neighbor. The initial chuckle of laughter on being found and caught was truly endearing. However, after a few rounds of hide and seek, the boy said he was tired and sat down on a piece of paver block. He then asked the little girl to sit by his side and before I knew it, he turned her face and tried to kiss her smack on her lips!

The mother in me kicked in and I screamed out loudly. The boy panicked and fled, while the girl looked up at me and smiled and then trotted off to her mother. I guess the girl did not know what happened and hence was not the least bit perturbed. The boy however has been avoiding me ever since.

That’s what got me thinking. The boy comes from a family that is not too educated and is a tenant living with a family of 7 members in a 1BHK. Private space is not available in that household and maybe parents or the other adult couples in the house share physical intimacy in front of the children.

While we Indian’s are not so much for Pubic Display of Affection, the new age parents do not shy from hugging or kissing/smooching in front of their children. While there is no harm in showing affection, overdoing it and exceeding permissible intimacy in front of children is not right. It harms the young child’s mind which is not mentally equipped or mature to understand the meaning of such actions.

In the above example, imagine the mayhem that would have been unleashed had the mother of the girl seen the act. Imagine what is going through the young boy’s mind? Imagine (God Forbid), the boy knew what he was doing and did more than just kiss!!

As a Child Psychologist, Parents Coach and a  Mother myself, I request parents to be discrete while displaying affection towards each other. Hugging is fine, a peck on the cheek or forehead is also permissible, but a full-blown smooch or feeling up your partner in front of your child is a BIG NO. exposing your child to an action that he is not mentally prepared to understand or emotionally ready to decipher is doing injustice to your child’s impressionable young mind.

LOVE YOURSELF before you let others judge you

I was a fortune child, fortunate to be the youngest of three siblings and therefore pampered. My parents adored me, my sisters dotted on me, I was good in studies and hence the favorite of my teachers as well. I had delicate features and was petite, dainty and thin. I loved my life. But every story has a twist and so did mine. As I entered my teens, the very same petite frame suddenly became a bone of contention for me, especially when I compared myself to my more endowed friends who had well defined bosoms, a swing in their hips and a feminine structure. I remained dainty and petite, so much so that my friends (so called) made fun of me. 

It started with an occasional snicker, then a giggle every time I passed by to a full-blown laugh riot with finger pointing and more.

I started feeling insecure, increasingly aware of my body or the lack of it, my grades started dropping and I started feeling low . My sisters were away pursuing their education and I was alone at home with my parents and so I guess I was unable to speak about it to anyone. My teachers started worrying about my falling grades and my mother sensed something amiss in my behavior. My insecurity had grown so much that one fine day I refused to get out of bed and got to school. My mother thankfully didn’t pressurize me and instead agreed that it was a good idea to stay at home and spend quality time together. We spent a fabulous day talking, laughing, playing indoor games and just chilling. During the course of our conversations my mom slowly got me to talk about what was bothering me. My lovely understanding mother didn’t shout or judge or chide me for my behavior.

She calmly prescribed a couple of tablets and a powder with instructions on how to have them for a month. Since she was an Ayurvedic Doctor and also my mother I trusted her and followed her instructions. In the month that followed I would check myself in the mirror everyday to see any changes and surprisingly I saw myself evolving and blossoming.

A month later I hugged my mom with joy and told her that her medicines worked. She calmly smiled and explained that all she had given me was a combination of calcium, vitamin and tons of self-belief. What had changed over the month was my opinion of myself. I had changed in my own eyes. I had started to look at myself differently and that had made a massive difference to my confidence.

My body had not changed, but the body image in my mind had changed and that was what was important.

Now years later, as a Child Psychologist and a Behavioral Coach I understand what my mother did. She built up my confidence by getting me to look at myself through my eyes and not of those judging me. I was able to see the good in me, work on what I lacked and build on what I had.

Now when I consult teenagers (especially girls) I give them the same advice. Look within, LOVE yourself and then look outside for affirmations. You are your best adviser, critique and fan, all rolled into one.

LOVE YOURSELF and Let others be.  

We Are Already Empowered

Wah Wah Wah💝💝

So my morning starts with a beautiful video from Ms Malini.

It's an interview with Kangana Ranaut. 

I so agree with what Kangana said- We women are already empowered. 

Why do we even use the term Empowerment for Women?

Arey bhai,  empowered Nahi hote tou how would we spread our wings so much?

We just need to work on our development and that's all,  we are sorted for life. 

We just need to work on our emotions,  and that's all, we are sorted for life. 

And last,  but not the least,  we need to work on our communication,  we don't voice out.
Bus,  if we do that,  we are sorted for life.

When I started LAJA,  the sole purpose was to develop women,  make them aware of their strengths,
help them let go of their inhibitions,  help them to voice out their feelings and wants. 

And that's exactly what is needed for today's women. 

Multi tasking is in the genes of every woman. 

Tou kya hume empowerment chaahiye? 

We are good to go , ladies..  

Chak de Phatte !

Credits for the video  : MsMalini.com

Attachments area

Let go...and Move on

#Relationships #lettingGo #FoodForThought #ICan #IWill

Sometimes it’s better to just let things be, let people go, 'don’t' fight for closure, 'don’t' ask for explanations, 'don’t' chase answers and 'don’t' expect people to understand where you’re coming from.

I happened to receive this message today morning and it gave me chills!!

Arey...this was exactly the thought process when the year begun.

2018 showed lot of ups and downs in relations.... Made some beautiful close relations and some really close ones choose to part; with no rhyme or reason.

December went in figuring out what, why and how that happened.

And then, something came to my mind and I realized that it's no worth spending time, thinking on why's, what's and how's.

It's time to think whether you gave your hundred percent to that relationship of yours, did you try to maintain it, did you try working on it, were you there when that relation needed your time? 

If your answers are yes to a majority of the above questions, then its better to park the thoughts at a side or just let it go off you.

It did not work because it was not destined to work!!!

Theory of Karma says every person comes in your life with a reason.

Probably that reason was solved, and hence the relation sank, he/she choose to walk out. 

We, always think that closure is needed, but have you ever thought that the closure would have already happened; probably you never realized! 

Rethinking or asking for explanation just makes you dig the grave deeper.

2019 has started for me with a very intense thought process.

Trying to figure out what gives you inner peace, work on that and work on yourself.  That might help you realize that it's OK not to react to all things that happen with you or around you; probably that's the first step to Healthy Living.

For me, 2019 started with some intense food for thought; how has it started for you?

Let's talk.

Love Thyself FIRST

Time and again, I have got the feeling that no matter how or where or whichever way the world will grow, we women still wait for validation.

So, we had a team meet recently and when we all meet, we work on and we talk about everything under the sun.

As always, we were discussing and amidst the discussion, I happened to discuss the strengths of one of my team members as she was planning to start some new venture of hers. 

Almost immediately, my other team member said, “Riddhi, let me know my strengths too. "

And I totally went blank....

The lady who asked me this has a successful career and, in all probability, she is not seeking validation; but who knows, perhaps she is!

So, what comes to my mind is this, we women still wait for validation!!!

We still need somebody else to tell us that we look beautiful,  that we have good curves,  that we look sexy,  that our smile is good,  that we cook well,  that we are a good mother ( good🤔huh,  mother is mother,  what is good and bad in that) that we are smart while talking to other gender,  that we multitask good,  that we are confident and lot many more things.

So, my question is don't we realize on our own that what are our strengths and where and how do we need to work on our weakness.

Don't we realize how sexy we look; feeling sexy and feeling good about your body is our right. Whatever shapes and sizes we have, it’s ours!! Let's flaunt over our strengths.

And it's high time that we stop seeking external validation and we once and for all say - Haata savan Ki ghaata,  I am my own favorite.

I love myself 🤗🤗

Three As of Parenting

It is very important for a parent to listen to the child. The child's life evolves with three important aspects around him:

Appreciation

Acknowledgment

Acceptance

This has been a daily ritual since last 4 years. Eventually, both of us have grown in our relationship and the bonding has increased twofold.

It was normal morning today and as always, I happened to be driving down my little one to school. In those 30 minutes all that’s True and Real are me and my little. That is the time we TALK and talk about everything. Everything including him being hurt by me or my better-half, or him having some complaints against his friends, or my in-laws or our cook …..

I am aware that those complaints are most baseless and surely innocent, but I ensure that I hear him out....I then try to breakdown the situation, explain the circumstance, conditions etc. and the allow him to decide what happened was right or wrong.

Much to my pride and sometimes amusement, I have noticed, that whenever I allow him to decide what is right or wrong, a majority of the times he concludes that what happened was ok ...

So, this is where the three A’s come into play:

Acknowledgement: He being able to Acknowledge his work, his behavior, his thought process, his concerns, his understanding, his maturity, him being hurt and lot more. Acknowledgement is about reassuring him that you have understood him. Acknowledgment gives the child confidence and makes him resilient.

Acceptance:  A child seeks acceptance from his parents, acceptance of what he is and of what he aspires to become. Acceptance of him as a person works tremendously on the esteem of the child. Acceptance by the parents assures his being and promises him of a better future.

Appreciation: The most important and the last in the "A" pyramid. When a parent appreciates his/ her child, the child feels confident and THAT helps him to face the world. A single word of appreciation makes him feel encouraged and special. And this feeling of being special makes his world, the most secured place to live in.

Let us, as parents inculcate the habit of 3 A's in our daily life.

For me, these 3A's are an integral part of my life, the credit goes to my parents and I am now taking this legacy ahead by implementing the same for my child.

Relationships - Nurture them

Recently, I had been chatting with my bestie...

And he casually said : loved your smile

Me : Where did you see that?

He : In the DP

And since I was joking around, I abruptly wrote a shayari which kind of represented with the situation.

"Ek zamana tha

Ek zamana tha

jab dosto ek dusre Ko milke  smile dete the

Aab ye zamana hai

Aab ye zamana hai

Ki DP dekh ke hi smile Kar lete hai".

This holds so true these days....

How often do we meet people or our friends?

We say, we are connected but have you ever thought, how?

We do stay connected but majority of the times we remember, when we need.

The need can be emotional, physical, materialistic or seeking a connect!

So, what comes to my mind is this; is this friendship? Is this a relation or just a connect?

A relation is just like a plant, you need to nurture it with love, patience, understanding and empathy. If it's not nurtured, it stays as mere connect...

And connect is always there as a means of barter, services or self benefit.

Some quick tips to nurture relations, they can be your friend, parents, spouse, child, in-laws, sisters and sister in law's ....

1..Call them instead of dropping a message.

2..Wear a smile while you talk.

3..Talk DilSe and not just for the hack of talking.

4..Plan a surprise visit to them.

5..Take care of their special occasions and moments such as birthdays, health , their personal achievements, marriage  anniversary  and sometimes cater to their  moods too, as you are a friend and remember- a friend is never judgemental.

If you find that you are not able to cope up with that, take your time , the other person understands too and remember, it's a two way traffic ....so the other person is trying too.

So let's give a hi-fi and start it anew...

Every relationship has a strong emotional bond, nurture it ...you will love to see it blossom and so will be the other person.

My Father My Hero

Me and My SuperHero

Me and Pappaji

I have been the youngest spoiled brat of the Doshi family. Head strong, confident, multi-tasker, leader, and empathetic are all the qualities I have imbibed from my father.

He is the man of my life. I have grown up listening to his stories about his childhood and how he used to manage in his school days, to his college days in London, to his experience of getting his first job as he was a qualified Engineer from Battersea, to how he started his business at 50 and his dealings with Tatas. He has always given me and my three sisters a sense of security and assurance. However he always emphasized on being on the same page with my mother.

The tuning they both have has given exemplary memories to the best Parenting style.

And that has even helped me evolve as a Parenting Coach and Psychologist.

He has always dreamt his life and has put into reality, his dreams.

I still remember the lesson on time management he always used to cite for us.

He was working in London with a British firm and on the second day of his job, there was a heavy snowfall and he got late to office. The office timings were 8.00 am to 5.00 pm and he reached at 8.01. His manager was there at the door and he said, "Mr Doshi, you are late by a minute!"

I have grown up listening to his stories and experiences and this has made me aware that time and tide wait for none, make the maximum of the time given.

He has made us four sisters capable of managing anything in life, made us leaders and not followers.

And I proudly say - I will take his legacy ahead. Proud to be Ajay Doshi's daughter. 

That's how I write - Riddhi Doshi Patel.

Expect the unexpected and give more than you expected

Oh ho.....

What a day! It started with a discussion on Relationships with a close friend.

Me : What's happening to you? I fail to understand sometimes

He : Aah, in an awful mood; you know how it is .....but will bounce back soon.

Me : Ha, I understand , but bathake jaao na apni quite space mei, so that nobody disturbs,

He : Huh, bataya toh tha

Me : Ha, jab, I asked ....

And this endless talks..

And the conclusion rests on the expectations we have from the relationships we are into.

Siblings, friends, in-laws, husband - wife, neighbours, child - parent, employer-employee, teacher - student and many such!

Why do we expect? Is it because we love the other person, is it because it's natural since we are connected , is it because it's their duty to do react and respond, is it that it's your right to know things about the person whom you are connected or you love.

But what if the same thought process is running through the other persons mind too! What if they feel you have fallen short in responding!

So expect; but give more than you expect. You might sometimes feel that it's totally a one man job of maintaining a relation, but no it isn't. It's always a two way street. Aaj nahi toh kaal, the other person will reciprocate definitely. That too with double the intensity!

Try it out.

After all everything in life is give and take.

The more you give, the more you get, aaj nahi toh kaal , for sure.

But never ever hide in your relationship neither give a silent treatment.

Quoting what I read yesterday on a WhatsApp group...

Giving someone the silent treatment could possibly be a way for you to avoid confrontation but the message it gives out is psychologically damaging to the other person. It is saying that your feelings don’t matter. Only I matter to myself. Your intentions may be good but what matters is the outcome of your intentions.

Afterall having a relation in your life, is a blessing indeed.

Stay Blessed.

Nurture Contacts .. Build Relationships

#contacts #business #relationships #connections #courtesy #maintain #maintaining

Received a message from Mr CEO of a MNC where I had conducted a session four years back, “Dear Riddhi, hope you are good with your health, got to know from a friend that you were not keeping well, just thought of saying a HI and please take care".

Aah....in the first instance, it might seem to be a common message, but if you read it carefully, you will realise, those are the relations earned over the years of my professional life.

Yes ...maintaining relations is very very important.  Maintaining relations doesn't mean that you take advantage and pitch in your work all the time.

It means to stay connected, not necessarily that you keep meeting, but yes connecting is a must. Avoid pitching in your work; that might take off the essence of a professional relationship.

A simple hi or hello or helping them to connect further with acquaintances they need at their end works well for a lady professional.

Some of the tips I have inculcated in my life to stay connected:

1..Exchange cards in the first meet and the same day, leave a personalized message , albeit remain in limits

2..Never talk about your achievements or your work unless asked

3..Once in a while, drop in  a message saying Hi

4..Connect over LinkedIn , if you are seeking professional association. Let the profile speak for you.

5..Once in 6 months, share a link of your work...

6..Be there, if the person needs any help in terms of connecting with somebody on the professional front

7.. Share your contacts, you'll achieve more

8..Never sell your work...

This is what I have done to stay connected on the professional front.

While on the personal front, I am always there for all my friends, come what may...I try to give my best in the relationship which I am blessed with.

And trust me, I get in return in abundance.